Parenting Relationships

To be or Not to be Parents

There was a time when everybody had kids in a couple of years after marriage. Couples who didn’t become parents in the 1st two years of marriage were looked down upon by society. Gone are those days when it was necessary to marry to become a parent. Gone are the days when biological way was the only way to become a parent. Gone are the days when becoming a parent was a must to make your life successful on this earth. So today when you are free to make your choice of having kids or not, why not make it judiciously? I have listed some points only from first-hand experiences of couples. This isn’t for people choosing to be single parents. I am yet to come across some experiences before writing something on it. Some points that you must consider before becoming parents are:

  1. Is your relationship a Stable one: Many say that a kid will wipe out all the problems in your marriage and that having kids is the best way to make a relationship strong. But this is an absolute myth. Instead of making your relationship stronger, it will dig deep rifts and you might end up dragging on with the relationship. The fact is that kids increase your stakes in marriage and instead of accepting each other, you stay tied to each other because of added responsibilities and dependence and you end up staying together against your own wishes.
  2. Financial stability: Kids are not just a symbol of love. They are a responsibility and to give them a healthy upbringing, you should be financially stable. Yes, these days, an adult can easily survive on say Rs X a day but a kid at least needs 1.5 X for health, education and even fashion. To manage your finances and savings well in advance and then plan a kid.
  3. Are you both ready for kids: Consent of both the partners is important before having kids. Both of you should be equally passionate about having kids. The very thought of having them should bring a smile on your face instead of doubts.
  4. Kids will end all the troubles: This is especially for those housewives who believe that having kids will wipe off all the boredom and will give a new meaning to their life. It is a myth to believe that having a kid is the only solution to complaining in-laws and that it will distract you from all the domestic issues. In the postpartum period, you would need a lot of support from your hubby and near and dear ones. If your relations are in a mess then please don’t have kids to escape from it. You will end up ruining everyone’s life.
  5.  Having kids is not limited to cute pictures and cuddles: Having kids is much more than that. I was amazed when one of the ladies at the park said,” Oh I love kids. They are so cute.. I can pose with them all day long. Waiting to have my own kids.” Trust me, you will barely get time to pose yourself. At least in the initial months. And even if you do, you have to cross the hurdles of erratic sleep patterns, innumerable pee, poop, and feeding cycles. Having kids is much more than cute pictures. Rather, look forward to sharing a bond with your baby. Look forward to being happy with your own creation. 
  6. Would you have at least 2 hours for your kid in a day: Time is one of the most important factors before having kids. These days, we can outsource the upbringing of children from day 1. Yet, only a parent can give his/her warmth, love and blessings to the kid. So please plan your days well in advance and make sure that you spend at least 2 hours a day with the kid. 

Last but not the least, please don’t fall for societal pressure. Don’t have kids, just because your relatives and friends are after your life for having kids. Nobody will lend a helping hand to the upbringing of kids. Please decide judiciously. Just yesterday I went to a restaurant where I saw a couple having dinner and their toddler was sleeping in the pram. In the midst of the dinner, the toddler woke up and started crying. And both the parents started arguing that it’s his/her turn to calm the baby. It really pained me to see that the wailing baby was being treated like a burden instead of a gift of god. So friends chose wisely to be or not to be parents.

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  1. Totally agree with all your points Supriti…kids are a huge huge responsibility in these present times and unless you are prepared mentally, physically and most imp financially you shud not have them. Time, as u pointed out, is most crucial

  2. I agree with everything you have said. It is so important not to succumb to societal pressure, and only have children when you are financially and mentally well-prepared for them. Great post!

  3. We didn’t plan… We were just given … But yes I am trying my level best to bring up good individuals and also happy ones.

  4. Fareha says:

    A very well put up post. Time is the most important factor in today’s lifestyle. Simply having kids for the sake of it will only create troubles for the child. Unless one is not prepared mentally to take all the responsibilities and bring up will all the heart, one should not plan to have them. Societal pressure is temporary. It is parents who are going to bring them up, looking after their needs.

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