MIL Vs DIL Woman In Me

Post marriage, I dreamt of having 2 homes but society forced me to leave one

Everybody has a distinct emotion attached with the word Mayeka. For decades married ladies have been using it to threaten their husbands saying – ” Mai mayeke chali jaungi, Tu dekhte rai yo…” Just a thought of the word makes newly wed grooms’ face droop and on the other hand an experienced married man may rejoice – “Good Riddance!! Even if it is for a couple of weeks!” Married girls gleam with happiness and the unmarried ones are unaffected by the same.

Post marriage I have always wondered, if Mayeka is my first home or second? First, for the obvious reasons of having spent my childhood there and second because of the limited access I have to my parent’s home post marriage.

Our society believes that post kanyadan, the parents of daughter should not accept any kind of assistance from their daughter. All we hear them saying is – ” Bus tum Khush raho..humein aur kuch nai chahiye(You remain happy. We don’t wish for anything else)”. She is expected to only worry about her husband and the new family and not look back into her childhood home.

I always wonder that what has changed post marriage that I have to seek my in- laws/husband’s permission before visiting those who gave me birth? I need to apply for the leaves from home duties well in advance with a special intercession of my mother with the in-laws. What changes post marriage, that I cannot just walk-in to surprise my parents like I used to, during my college days? What has changed that a grown up lady like me, who drives all alone to office daily, needs to be picked up from her place by her dad or brother? What changes post marriage that my parents pay me a visit only on special occasions and not just drop by?

Our society seems to be progressing whereby parents are raising their daughters to be fierce and independent. But, subsequently those very girls are married off and tied to the cudgels to tradition and inexplicable norms of this society. I always ponder, what has changed post marriage that the society that once boasted of my achievements and proudly claimed that ‘This girl will lead the world one day.’, now wants me to follow my in-laws and husband blindly.

To those whom I sound like an alien, you are blessed and please be thankful to god for giving you the liberty to enjoy your freedom. And, those who can relate with me, do ponder over this.

Do ponder and let me know, how to change this society? If I stand up and fight against my in-laws, I lose my marriage and if I follow their footsteps, I lose my parents. The only way I see it changing is changing my self. Taking a pledge that I won’t continue this legacy. Taking a pledge that I will give my daughter-in-law the liberty to maintain her dedication towards both the households. Taking a pledge that I will give my daughter-in-law the right to enjoy 2 families and 2 homes.  It is only, when I change as a person, will the society change at large.

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  1. Shivani says:

    Very True. We need to stand for ourselves. If boys are not expected to compromise post marriage neither do we need to compromise. Both my parents and parents in laws are important.

    1. anaishaa says:

      Absolutely true Shivani.

  2. It’s not very easy to change the traditional mindset of people. Many in-laws believe that if they did not get the liberty why should their daughter in law get it!? It’s sad that some people still think that way. But at the end its the woman who suffers. She wants to be dedicated as a daughter in law but at the same time be a loyal daughter too. Frankly, the choice is your own. Yes, it’s going to upset people. But you have got to do what you have to do. If your heart misses your parents, do go and visit them. Don’t control yourself so much and keep it all inside you. Because one day when you can’t take it anymore, you might burst off with emotions which you never meant.
    People are going to be upset either ways. People are going to talk about you any which ways. Do what your heart tells you to do. You will have lesser regrets then!! 🙂

    1. anaishaa says:

      I agree with you Deeksha. Keeping it to yourself leads to bigger piles and bigger troubles. Caring about people, we forget to care about ourselves.

  3. anurag says:

    Be confident.Trust yourself.No daughter can ever loose her parents.Even parents can never ever leave there daughters.They are always with their daughters in every walk of life.One doesn’t have to fight with anyone else in the world except self. There is a saying -खुद ही को कर बुलंद इतना कि हर तकरीर से पहले खुदा बंदे से खुद पूछे बता तेरी रजा क्या है।Make ur self so great that before writing ur destiny God ask from u what do u want.So just have confidence in yourself and do what is right according to u.You will definitely not loose any thing.Simply shed off the fear off loosing anything and just be what u r.Best of luck 😊.Keep smiling. Be happy.Don’t wait till the arrival of ur daughter in law. Enjoy ur life.It is yours only.

    1. anaishaa says:

      True Anurag. Letting off the fear is the biggest challenge. Thanks a lot for all your advice. 🙂

  4. Jaya Jain says:

    Yes it’s true I am facing the same….I HV a 4 months old baby I want take help of my mother but my in-laws does not allowed me to do so neither they help me to handle the kid…They even don’t come to see him on my floor…They said society Kya kahegi….Har roj maykei jaogi to….MAA nei kuch shiksha deeksha nhi di Kya….Jo wi tumhe apne ghar Anne deti h….But she allowed her daughter to come…Even she had made separate floor for her with all modern amenities…

    1. anaishaa says:

      It is really sad to know this Jaya. I guess your should talk to your husband and express your concerns. It is difficult to stay away from your parents and at the same time don’t get the required love from in-laws also. Also you can join our group – whereby we discuss issues of our daily lives and like my facebook page to read more such posts.

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