When that private space in a relationship makes all the difference

I feel the happiest in my skin when I am all by myself, slouching on the couch, legs wide apart, trying to get away from my routine life. I am happiest in my skin when I get to talk to my tribe (my sister and friends) without my husband and in-laws around and my sonny boy put to sleep.  When there are no chances of being overheard, judged, annoyed, or interrupted.  When I don’t have to weigh my words and I can just talk my heart.

And I realized its importance only in this lockdown when neither I could move out nor anyone else in the family. Even when we sat in different rooms, every time I dialed a number on my phone, I would find my hubby or in-laws standing on the door asking me if I wanted coffee, if the wi-fi is working, where did I keep the t-shirt, TV remote, mobile charger blahh blahh blah… I don’t know if it was deliberate or a mere coincidence. But there was absolutely no personal space where I could just sit, talk, vent, and discuss with my tribe without my hubby or in-laws overhearing a word.

 You know, every lady has that part of her which can be discussed just with her gang and not with the hubby. The married ones would know, right? Those small white lies, the unimportant details, the infuriating habits, the inescapable disagreements, and details of insignificant events that might hurt your hubby’s or in-laws’ feelings. Those harmless facts, remarks, and observations that we conveniently brush under the carpet to avoid an argument or just to respect the partner’s feelings, but they keep pilling up and eat up our mental peace.

Try venting out those feelings in front of your hubby and he would give you an endless Gyan with a list of faults you made, the measures you should have taken, and the advice that you should have followed. Do it with your sis or your lady gang and they will just say, “Ah.. happens all the time. I feel you.” And that suddenly brightens you up. Because when you vent, you rarely seek advice. Sometimes all you want is a patient ear to hear it all and just smile. It helps you regain your mental peace and sleep much better.

We all have disagreements with our in-laws and partners. Some are consequential and you need to discuss them outrightly. But most are not! And a lady-lady talk on how to handle in-laws and those disagreements is much more doable and constructively productive than discussing it with hubby. Because if you try and discuss the in-laws’ issues with your hubby, you know exactly what it would lead up to.

And most importantly, I feel happiest in my skin when I am talking to my gang all alone because they give me a sense of reason and rationale when I feel low and worthless in the mundane life. They remind me how awesome I am and convince me that I am invincible. And after hanging up the phone, I am all charged up, wondering why I ever doubted myself in the first place. The demon sized disagreements suddenly deflate to inconsequential nothings. In those private conversations, I discover my own self and realize the importance of self-love. Those little talks open a whole new world to me and give me a new, unbiased perspective that reinforces new energies in me. That little personal space is much needed to maintain the sanctity of the marriage. That little space is needed so that you don’t lose yourself in the marriage. And that little private space is needed to blossom the relationship. And in this lockdown, I have started appreciating it even more.

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