Parenting Relationships

I have expectations from my son

I recently visited my son's doctor and like any other person he advanced his hands towards my son for a handshake but my son refused. After a couple of perusals, he gave up and said, “I don’t even expect this from your generation. Greeting adults is possibly the last thing on your list.” He turned towards me and continued, “ I have an 8-year-old son and I have already left him on his own. I have detached myself from him and don’t expect much out of him. After all, this generation is way too smart and they will pave their path on their own. Kuch toh kar hi lega.

I have read about this many times but I was not sure how many parents actually believe in completely detaching themselves from the kids and not expecting an inch out of them. When I heard this doctor, I chose to nod with a smile on the face and a swirl in my tummy.

I realize that over the years, the parent-child relationship has changed drastically. From authoritative to just attached to completely detached. Similarly, there is a reversal in parental expectations. Earlier parents knew that their children love them. But in stark contrast, today parents look for instances that reaffirm that their children love them. Is it a result of giving up on them completely? Or it is derived from the expectations rooted deep in our hearts?

I believe that expectation forms the basis of the right parenting. If I wouldn’t have expected my son to walk by 15 months of age, it would have never rung an alarm at 16th month. If I wouldn’t have expected him to eat 5 mini-meals a day, I would have never made efforts towards the same. If I wouldn’t have expected him to greet people, I would have never introduced him to the concept of greeting people and paying them regards. If I wouldn’t have expected him to grow up to be a calm and composed individual, I wouldn’t have stopped him from fighting and chose the calmer ways instead.

If we don’t expect a few things out of our kids, their actions will never bother us and we will never make corrective efforts towards their upbringing. Many kids are introvert and they chose not to greet unknown people in the first visit, but most of the kids don’t do it because their parents don’t emphasize its importance. It is very easy to say that nothing is expected out of this generation. But it is tough to live with it.

So always have the right expectations from your kids because expectations result in actions which in turn yield the right fruits. But having said that, know how to draw that thin line between caring and caring too much for your children. That line between expecting and expecting too much from your kids. The expectations should never overshadow your kid’s personality. They should not overpower the emotion of love, compassion, and respect between the parent and child. Expectations should not turn authoritative and overbearing. Setting realistic expectations is about genuinely analyzing our children and helping them grow in their own special way.

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  1. I so needed something like this, tomorrow my son’s half yearly exam starts and no matter how much patience I keep I end up scolding him for wasting time. Keeping right expectations is important, point taken

    1. Supriti says:

      Glad my blog could be of some help to u… All the best to your son for his exams..

  2. I think giving value is parents duty, I do not expect my kid to be genius or take care in my old age but yes, i expect to treat elder in a respectful way and kind towards humanity

    1. Supriti says:

      That’s a very realistic expectation set by u.. Loved the way u put it. 🙂

      1. Even I don’t expect high from my kids, it must be exhausting on them too #millennialscribbler

        1. Supriti says:

          if it works for u, great!

      2. I think what you are talking about is guiding your child. Yes, that shouldn’t stop ever. Who else will tell them what’s right and what’s not. And yet expectations make life tough for children and parents alike. So, we need to know how much and when.
        What you say about drawing the line is this only, I guess.

        1. Supriti says:

 drawing a line, i mean that the expectations should not overpower everything else.. 🙂

        2. It is always important to understand the boundaries of expectations to be kept from children. A very nice and important message for all the parents, Supriti.

          1. Supriti says:

            Thank u so much. 🙂

  3. Makes sense. Expectations in so far as you teach your kids the right things – politeness, empathy, etc – and ensure they’re growing up into well rounded human beings. But beyond that, they are their own people, so a certain level of detachment is also important, I think.

    1. Supriti says:

      Very true.. drawing that thin line between attachment and detachment is necessary. I hope, as parents we succeed in it. 🙂

      1. That is such an insightful and thoughtful article i totally loved it. it’ll help many mother’s facing similar situation

        1. Supriti says:

          i hope it helps them and there’s nothing better than this. i would feel that my work is accomplished.

  4. Yes, let’s not force kids. I remember as a kid how much I hated greeting people, so now when my child shies away, I understand.

    1. Supriti says:

      great. realistic expectation is the key and lets steer our kids in their own comfort zone.

  5. I totally agree with your point, there is thin line between caring and caring too much.

    Caring too much lead problems because in that case, we are unable to give that much space to the children by which they could grow well.

    1. Supriti says:

      yes..caring too much is actually detrimental and has severe side effects in the long run.

    2. Very true. One shouldn’t keep too much expectations for kids. They need to be given the space they need. I just loved your post.

      1. Supriti says:

        thank u so much. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  6. Its a nice thought you know. That having expectations actually is good. But then I could just term it as vigilant parenting. Whatever, the article went by like a breeze. Loved it

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank u Anupriya. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  7. You have put such a debated topic in such a beautiful way. The drawing on line is difficult, and not just in a parent a child’s relationship, in every relationship. We all are attached to people in our lives but it is important to not forget that they too have a world and relations of their own to honor.

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank u so much for your kind words. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  8. loved the post and up to the point it is. I agree parenting has changed drastically with changing time but it is also true that as a parent we have our own expecatations from our kids..but keeping a balance is equally important. otherwise, it may cause unwanted stress in relationship. #Surbhireads #myfriendalexa

    1. Supriti says:

      yes.. we should avoid stress in any relationship and setting realistic expectations and accepting them is a way to keep away unwarranted stress.

  9. Parenting is always a tight rope walk and there are no blueprints.

    1. Supriti says:

      haha.. yes… u got it right! we all have a different experience and a different way to walk over it. 🙂

  10. Realistic expectations are very important. Parents can make or mar their children’s future with the expectations projected on to the children.

    1. Supriti says:

      very true sir… parents have the power to make or mar their kids life.

  11. So true. You have aptly described the scenario. We are somewhere expecting from our children but pushing them to do something they don’t like is not fair. There is a very thin line between expectation and wanting something. #MyFriendAlexa #ShubhraReads

    1. Supriti says:

      very true. we need to respect that thin line. 🙂

  12. Very well analyzed and conveyed Supriti. We are raising a new generation of kids who live in a sort of protected bubble. They are expected to be self-sufficient but instead they are growing to be selfish with total lack of empathy. It is thin line indeed between giving them total freedom and making them callous and indifferent.

    1. Supriti says:

      u got the essence so right.. bang on!! thanks for resonating so well!

  13. So agree with your thoughts, expectation kills but understanding that thin line is extremely important on both sode prents and kids as well, to stand on the right pathway,

    1. both side* parents*

    2. Supriti says:

      yes.. we must draw that line and respect it always.. thanks for reading my blog. 🙂

  14. Many a time we do not consider why a child is behaving the way he is. Is it possible he has picked up certain vibe or learnt something at home. While learning etiquette is important. May be lead by example and show the child how to act in a social environment. I remember, not proudly, once I was asked to say my name to a father’s friend. I did not even after he bought me a Britannia cake. My father was livid. While expecting proper etiquette is one thing, many expect their kid to go into a career of his parent’s choice, earn a lot of money, marry a boy or girl of family’s choice, look after parents in old age. These are serious expectations. May be we should not have these.

    1. Supriti says:

      very true. i understand your view point and that’s why i said realistic expectations. Right now my son is just 4 and all my expectations revolve around giving him a good environment and imbibe proper values in him. maybe at a later stage, i will walk in your shoes. 🙂

  15. We as parents are confused today. The fine line between caring and dictating merges when the new generation utters its own terms. Nice post


    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much. 🙂

  16. Having the right expectations in any relationship is crucial. And when it comes to a parent and child, it gets even more complicated. I loved your take on it.

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u.. glad u loved it. 🙂

  17. Noor Anand Chawla says:

    That is a sound argument on your part. Only with reasonable expectations can we hope to bring up balanced children.

    1. Supriti says:

      yes… reasonable expectations is the key and we must set the right ones for them

  18. totally agree with you! you narrated it beautifully

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much. glad u loved it.

  19. totally agree with you! you narrated it beautifully!!!

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u.. glad u loved it..

  20. This is a very good point that you have raised and I appreciate your perspective. Something that all parents need to understand and follow. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u.. glad u loved it.. 🙂

  21. I am someone who panics easily. And that makes me lose my cool. This made me look back and think where incan actually let go.
    #myepicareads #MyFriendAlexa

    1. Supriti says:

      That’s great. rectifying one’s own mistakes and learning from them is the biggest lesson.

  22. True…I guess the ‘expectation’ is misjudged as support for the old age, it is rather the smaller expectations of our day-to-day life of good behaviour and achieving certain milestones that become the anchorage of modern parenting. Great Post!

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank’s a lot. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  23. That is a good stance to take. It is important to have some expectations and teaching children to conform to those. OTherwise we would fail to teach our children values which lay the foundation of the child’s personality.

    1. Supriti says:

      yes. having certain expectations is good and we should make our kids learn that. 🙂

  24. It is very true what you have written. Not only children, for grown us even it is impt to keep expectations for growth .

    1. Supriti says:

      very true.. very true.

  25. We need to accept our children the way they are. Our Expectations should not burden them. Happy Alexa to you

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u.. Happy Alexa to u too

  26. The flow of the article is very smooth. Yes, I agree with most of the points. I feel if we have to inculcate good habits and also want the kid to be a good human being, we need to set up clear expectations as to what is needed from him. If he doesnt want to greet a person, because he doesn’t like him/her is OK. But not greeting anybody shows that kid is developing an attitude problem. Its my personal opinion though and that’s what I tell my kid

    1. Supriti says:

      yes.. we need to look for loopholes in our kid’s personality and try to wipe them out before they are too big to manage.

  27. Simply LOVED your post! I have a 14-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl…and I can totally relate to your post. I agree – I too have expectations from my kids…just as they have expectations from me…and yes…it pushes both parties to do better each time. Keep writing such interesting posts. #MyFriendAlexa #DiaryOfAnInsaneWriter

    1. Supriti says:

      thanks a lot. gald an experienced parent like u loved this post. 🙂

  28. Only realistic expectations are healthy expectations and they are a must for the right kind of parenting. Because, if you don’t do the same, your child will never get to learn to differentiate between what is wrong & whatnot. They will be indisciplined if you don’t tell them to do & expect certain things like obeying your elders.

    1. Supriti says:

      exactly my point. thank u for reading my blog. 🙂

  29. Ruchi Verma says:

    It’s always important to know what kind of expectations you are putting up to your kids..I believe we all have different kind of parenting and no parent will set wrong example and wrong expectations from their kids!! perfectly written

    1. Supriti says:

      thanks a lot. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  30. So true. Love the line, ‘That line between expecting and expecting too much from your kids. The expectations should never overshadow your kid’s personality. ‘ it is wrong to not to have expectations as you do need to set some goals for them but expecting too much is equally wrong.. loved your post

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  31. Your article resonates your blog name-Straight Talk. Yes.I completely agree to your point. Loved your straight talk. Parents need to reinforce what they expect from their children without being dominating. Positive parenting is what helps.Here is my article on Child discipline. Hope you like it Supriti.

    1. Supriti says:

      thanks a lot. That’s the best complement i have received. Glad i am able to live upto the name of my blog. 🙂

  32. Parenting is easy at all. Every stage has its own perspective and at every stage the world is waiting to comment. But all mothers pass-through this. It is better not to expect but accept as they are.

    1. Supriti says:

      true.. may be few years down the line i might learn ur ways… infact start living by it. 🙂

  33. Parental expectations are tricky. As a parent, we can put expectations in a bag of, must-dos, or should-do or might-do. Health is a must, must eat on time. Gratitude can be a should do, we can teach basics and they learn up with experiences. Goals are something we might have a say, but not totally The last one is parental pressure, like when a kid is forced to score star in non-interest area.
    Like you said Supriti, a concerned parent encourage 5 meals a day. But in the case of the doctor, maybe he was expected a lot from kid without proper icebreaking. Surely, the 8 years old would give a handshake when you give him/her a reason to communicate. You shared the expectation story seamlessly.

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much. glad u loved it. 🙂

  34. I absolutely agree with you, Supriti. We have the right to have expectations from our children. Even they have certain expectations from us, which is absolutely normal. We can’t give up and say that we don’t have any expectations for our children. This attitude can lead to a lot of negative behaviour from the kids. Loved your article.

    1. Supriti says:

      thanks a lot. glad u loved my piece. 🙂

  35. being a mother is always a challenging task expecting from our kids is a natural well-written post …

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  36. I come from the previous generation and I am sorry but I actually do not agree with new-age parenting methods. You cannot force a child to do anything but there should be some values and positive habits that are inculcated by parents. Expectations never lessen I am afraid and we all are going to get hurt. 🙂 #wordsmithkaurreads #BlogChatter #MyFriendAlexa

    1. Supriti says:

      I am glad to have this piece of advice from an experienced parent ma’am. will keep this in mind for my future. 🙂

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much

  37. Hi Supriti, i enjoyed reading the post, especially for the reason that it deals with a dilemma that all parents face with Gen Z. This generation is definitely different from the previous ones in many ways and this has created the need for a different style of parenting. I think this generation of kids grow up more on a dose of virtuality (thanks to technology and internet) and take their time to develop or exhibit their emotions. Somehow, they don’t deem it important to exhibit certain values and emotions for reasons best known to them only 🙂 but according to me it’s because of the times they are born in. As parents, we need to provide them with a little more time to come to terms with the basic/ fundamental human values and start respecting/ exhibiting that. Different generation of kids require different style of parenting. As parents, the best we can do is to wear their shoes and be that someone whom they expect to share their heart with. Thanks for penning such a beautiful post 🙂

    1. Supriti says:

      yes. u have beautifully put in words the fact that with changing generation the parenting style needs to change too. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  38. Indian Parents especially need to read this. Every one wants a Doctor/Engineer in the family yet never feel the need to ask their children what they want.

    1. Supriti says:

      Very ture. Lets have expectations from both sides in place and sort them out. 🙂

  39. This is so true. Every generation is getting smarter and basic manners are vanishing from this world with every generation. And parents are bound to have expectations of basic manners in their children.

    1. Supriti says:

      very true. we need to have basic expectations…and i hope it shapes our kids, all in a positive way . 🙂

  40. well that’s an interesting take on parenting expectations from kids. Yes I agree right expectation can shape & inspire kids in a positive manner

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank u so much. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  41. Not a parent but being a child I can totally relate to this. Kids love from parents. Hence parents have a bigger responsibility and should lead by example.

    1. Supriti says:

      very ture. leading by example is the best way to inculcate the right values in kids.

  42. I am surprised to read your conversation with the doc and it really made think quite a few things. It is just not possible to not expect and detach yourself from your kids.

  43. Never came across such post 🙂 Love your take on expectations from kids. It is so important to inculcate these values in today’s generation as they think and act in a very different way.
    #MyFriendAlexa #vigorousreads

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much for ur kind words. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  44. A topic that deserves more discussion. Surprised at the doctor’s response. I think this is what most parents end up doing because of lack of time, is what I comprehend. Let’s spend more time with the family than with our phones and make a difference.

    1. Supriti says:

      yes. u r right. spending more time with family will also make a difference 🙂

  45. Hi Supriti, its a nice read…I belong to a school of thought that validates and encourages acceptance more than expectations. Having said that, expectations are still ok to have from anyone you love including your kids, what matters more is how you deal with it when they are met and when they are not met…If your kids feel the pressure of those expectatons, they are just not worth it…. Enjoyed your post!

    1. Supriti says:

      yes.. i get your point. i plan to have that balance between expectations and acceptance.. hope m able to manage it in years to come. Thank u for dropping by 🙂

  46. Such a thoughtful post. Parents need to know where to draw the line. Setting expectations and not going overboard is something we all need to learn.

    1. Supriti says:

      yes absolutely. thank u so much. Glad u loved it. 🙂

  47. Thank you so much for writing in detail about this. I believe that right when we start teaching then the alphabet the respect towards fellow human beings should also be taught. It gets registered in their young minds .

    1. Supriti says:

      u r very right. it should all start at a very young age. 🙂

  48. We daily meet an Uncle at the bus stop, I ask my daughter daily to reply to his greet but she never replies him back though she is a very friendly and talkative child. Probably she doesn’t feel like to meet him or has some issues with him or might not be getting positive vibes from him. So why to pressurize or judge them when as a child, she is weaving her own sense of belonging and boundaries? Nice post

    1. Supriti says:

      very true. thank u so much. glad u loved it. 🙂

  49. Interesting way that you have put your points across. I personally believe its about letting them see and make decisions for themselves under our guidance. So the expectations are from us to give them values and nurture them and a hope that they would see it through

    1. Supriti says:

      thank u so much. glad u loved it. 🙂

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