Relationships Woman In Me

Because I loved him so much…

I was born in a very traditional family and lead a very sheltered and protected life till 24 years of age. All my time was spent in studies or helping my mom with household chores. By the time I finished my post-graduation my parents found a suitable match for me. Soon I married Alok and travelled to Delhi, miles away from my parents.

Anyone who saw us believed that our relationship was painted in love and care. Once I had gone to the supermarket when a salesman bumped into me. Deliberately or accidentally, I am not sure! But Alok just blew up when he saw it. One angry stare at the salesman and the other at me, grinding his teeth, “You are not coming to the supermarket ever again.”

“Aww.. You are so possessive for me.” And I hugged him. Gradually I had limited places to visit and absolutely no friend circle of mine. He decided that we won’t have kids as he didn’t want to love anyone except me. I readily submitted believing in his love and possessiveness for me. With each passing day, he criticised my cooking skills, housekeeping skills, fashion, anything and everything under the sky. But I always gave him a second chance blaming his office stress, the nicotine withdrawal symptoms, the nerve wracking traffic and most of the times myself for failing to understand his expectations.

And just when I was on the verge of believing that he doesn’t love me anymore, he would compliment me and shower me with love. Just a small compliment made me feel so valued that nothing else mattered. Amidst all the turmoil, I was holding on to the smallest rays of light and some rare good moments.

Years flew by and it was our 5th marriage anniversary. We were hosting some of his friends at our house. He was guiding me on what to get first when suddenly, in front of everyone he started shouting at me for being so clumsy. I just gathered myself and sneaked into the kitchen. He got back to casual talks with his friends, when one of his friend’s wife, Roma came up to me and asked:

“Are you fine? You have been an amazing host and not at all clumsy! I wonder how you put up with him.”

“Oh no! Don’t bother. He has just quit smoking… only because I asked him to. So his hormones start acting up every now and then.”

“Do you think, the man who insulted you publicly deserves a second chance?”

“You saying a second chance? I can give him a thousand chances, for I know that deep down he loves me a lot. Else why would he quit smoking for me?”

Roma smiled uncomfortably and said,” I will mail you some articles. Hope you would like them.”

Next morning, I saw a mail from her. On reading the opening lines I realised that it was the story of a woman who was emotionally, verbally and even physically abused.

Aghast, I rolled my eyes up, just half way exit from the article and threw the phone on my bed. Oscillating around the room, I murmured to myself, “Was she thinking that I am abused? No ways. My husband never hurt me physically. He has not even used abusive words for me. This lady is out of her senses.”

I was so upset that I never attended any of her calls. Her mails kept coming in but I never opened any. I didn’t even attend her when she came to my door step. Another year passed by and my parents paid me a short visit. Earlier they always visited me when Alok was away for business. But this year, Alok would be home and my parents and I were equally excited to spend some time with together.

I made a lavish dinner. While having dinner, I humbly asked Alok to pass on the water jug that was well within his reach. Instead of passing me the glass jug, he lifted it and smashed it in front of me. The jug shattered into pieces and my parents just took their plates and hurried to their room. Alok continued, “So now that your parents are around, you think you can boss around me. How dare you instruct me? How many times do I tell you to mind your words before you speak…..blah..blah..”

Had it stopped at criticism, I would have accepted it but the shattered pieces were screaming and pleading to not give Alok a second chance this time. He clearly didn’t deserve it. When Alok left in a fury, maa peeked out and found me sobbing and clearing the glass pieces. Maa sat beside me and said, “You could have taken the jug yourself beta. He must be tired after the day’s work.”

A glass piece pricked my fingers and my mother’s words pierced through my heart. For the first time in 6 years I heard my conscience and it told me that I should be guilty of giving so many second chances to this man. It reminded me of Roma. The same night when everyone dozed off to sleep, I dived into Roma’s mails. It had stories of women in abusive marriage. And as I read the stories I found a piece of myself in them. Sentence after sentence.. Para after para… My life was written all over her mails. The mails… the signals… that Roma had been diligently sending me for a year but I never bothered to respond.

The darkness passed and the dawn came with a musical silence. It was a new day and a fresh page was waiting to be written. I rushed to maa , shook her up and told her everything I had been facing for the past 6 years. In the name of love he was controlling my life and my soul. I gave him second, third and don’t know how many chances hoping that acting differently would stop his criticism. But it never did…And now I know that it never would.

I pleaded Maa to take me home along with her. But my mom just said, “ Suhagan toh pati ka ghar tab hi chodti hai jab uski arthi uthti hai. Just be patient and everything will be fine. “ And just like that, my parents packed their luggage and left even before Alok woke up.

Over morning tea, Alok told me that he would be promoted as VP of the company. So in the evening his office colleagues and boss will accompany him home for a party. Some close friends and relatives were also invited. While he was passing on instructions for the evening party, I traversed into a parallel world.

I made all preparations for the evening and now I am eagerly waiting for the evening to begin.

It’s already dark outside. I have pulled down the MCB and everything is set to give a big surprise to Alok.

Oh look, Alok is here making all the ruckus with his friends and there he pulls up the MCB illuminating every corner of the house.

So my surprise has worked. Everyone stands frozen. This silence is the much needed peace I always yearned for. Engulfed in tranquillity of the new found peace, my soul hears soft whispers, ‘I am here because I gave second chances to my husband’, as everyone read the words scribbled all over the walls.

Hanging from the fan of the living room, I enjoy the sight of Alok drenched in sweat. My soul will now rest in peace for I fulfilled my parents’ wishes – Akhir meri arthi mere pati ke ghar se hi uthi.

Author’s Note : Most women find it tough to identify if they are in an abusive relationship. Even of they identify, Indian women accept it as part of their destiny and submit themselves to all the wrong doings. A data from The Hindu proves it – “About 86% women who experience violence never seek help, and 77% of the victims do not even mention the incident(s) to anyone.”

So it is important for women to hold on to the survival instincts and educational qualifications to become financially independent. March on with a strong belief that you deserve better in life.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla, and generously SPONSORED BY Bugshield Clothing – Enjoy Outdoors More!

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  1. This might be a piece of fiction but it is a truth to many verbally, physically, sexually, and mentally abused wives. I really wish, Roma’s emails to leave a positive impact and she should have talked to her and consulted any counselor. Why women keep thinking that they can fix their broken relationship when they see that it has gone beyond the fixing state. Why she has to make all the compromises?

    1. Supriti says:

      Possible because women are programmed that ways. They never realize the value of sacrifices they make.. That’s the sad part..

  2. Supriti I had goose bumps while reading the last few lines of this post .. You have written it so well… a story with a significant message. The facts are really scary but I know it is deep routed in our society.

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank you for reading it. ☺

    2. A feeling of aghast after reading !! But so very well penned down, hard reality of this hypocritic society

      1. Supriti says:

        Thanks a lot for ur kind words

  3. Monidipa says:

    I am just…. out of words… Your story is unfortunately the truth which many women go through. Some decide to put up with this possessiveness for the rest of their life, some end their life. Some although go for marriage counseling but in maximum cases, it doesn’t work. I hate saying this but, I’ve seen this that here in our country divorced ladies aren’t respected much even if isn’t their fault. These issues of torture must be addressed.

    1. Supriti says:

      U are very right. The fear of consequences push the women to adversities..

  4. I am honestly awestruck with the ending. Yes its the woman who first has to understand that she is in an abusive marriage. Post that, she should have the courage to walk away from that situation. I so wish that we give that courage and power to all our girl children.

    1. Supriti says:

      Amen. Let’s do our bit. ☺

  5. What a beautiful story. And the ending was unexpected. I was thinking she will seek seperation…. but not of this kind. Unfortunately this is a sad reality for many. It is important for parents to be there for their children…just because a girl gets married doesn’t mean she doesn’t need your support. As women, we must ‘walk-the-talk’ & support family and friends who seek help from abusive relationships. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness & to live with dignity.

    1. Supriti says:

      It couldn’t have been said better. U r so right.

  6. I have almost been there Supriti and it was my daughter who would shake me off from those dark thoughts and it took me 4 years to take that step and move out of the relationship that has drained me completely from inside..this is the prime reason spread mental health and compassion.. I had absolutely no one to listen to me and even now people place their unsolicited advice and remarks saying you should have given him more time or stayed a little longer…in 10 years of my marriage, I have spent 5 years giving him 5000 chances and I knew I have to stop now. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Supriti says:

      A big bear hug to u Priyanka. U r doing a wonderful job.. N I hope women visit Sanitydaily and retain their sanity instead of losing it. More power to ur voice. 😀

  7. Speechless! Yes! I am so connected to your blog post, I have seen this is my life!! And its a hell for them!! Getting right help at the right time will help them a lot.

    1. Supriti says:

      Indeed. Thanks for reading my post.

  8. Abuse is not always physical…it’s also emotional which many fail to understand and parents make it worse by saying things like give it time or even have kids . I just hope this article gives hope to those who need it.

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank u so much for ur kind words. ☺

  9. Absolutely agree with every word you have shared. It is dinned into our heads that Pati is parmeshwar and u have to toe the line. Problem is only physical abuse shows marks. The emotional trauma is unseen and men take advantage of that and break your back.It is better to move out of a toxic relationship rather than carry it on inspite of your mom saying , pati ke ghar se arthi hi uthti hai then renounce those parents is what I would advise.

    1. Supriti says:

      Absolutely ma’am. I hope women read ur words and realise that emotional violence is a thing and it is worse than physical violence.

  10. Such an amazing story telling and such a story,,,, it was definitely one of its kind. I am not sure if I am happy for her that she is relieved or sad that her parents could not understand her just like her husband…

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank u so much for ur words. ☺

  11. A very sad fiction but unfortunately true in many cases. Parents should understand that an alive and divorced or seperated daughter is better than a dead one. Mental abuse is as bad aa physical abuse.

  12. Priyanka Chhabria says:

    I am awestruck by the story. It’s really important to understand that support from parents gives all the strength to a woman. Abusive marriage is called ‘ jo kismat me likha hai’ and so women keep putting up with all the shit.

    1. Supriti says:

      So true. Women live up with everything in the name of kismet

  13. I honestly took a while to write a comment on this post, after reading I had a rush of emotions plying in my brain. I do wish the ending wasn’t this, I wish she had the courage to walk away.

    1. Supriti says:

      I wish every women had a happy ending. I just wanted to write it this ways, so that it raises an alarm for women and they gather the courage to step out.

  14. Beautiful story with sad ending. Many woman still suffering without knowing what kind of pain they are going through. Your story reminded me of movie ‘thappad’. Sometimes rather than giving second chance woman should take action to show her real worth.

    1. Supriti says:

      Yes. Thappad was an iconic movie and second chances are not meant to be given in such toxic relationships.

  15. Sadly this is a common story in man households when one spouse doesn’t understand they are being abused until many years pass by and it so very sad. I personally know of someone who is going through this very same situation. i feel our parents and teachers should also teach us about various forms of abused and how to asses our situation

    1. Supriti says:

      It should be a part of the education system. And I hope you help the lady in need and pull her out.

  16. The ending shocked me but this is a reality. Parents don’t always support their daughters. If she had help, she would have lived. You write really well.

  17. My Goodness, that end part shook me from inside out, you won’t believe went back to read again that last line ‘ Akhir meri Arthi mere pati ke Ghar see hi uthi.’ This is an unfortunate reality of our society, the woman who sacrifices her self-respect, self-esteem, and life in keeping everyone’s respect around her never values her own worth. First, parents should stop feeding the mind of their girls with such pathetic thoughts.

    1. Supriti says:

      Absolutely. The cliched mindset of the society is one that is responsible for the plight of the girls. Thanks for reading the post ☺

  18. This piece of fiction broke my heart. It is a reality for so many women who never get support. Some parents rather see their daughter dead than divorced. Very well written.

    1. Supriti says:

      Thank u so much for the kind words.

  19. Aishwarya Sandeep says:

    This was such a powerful story. Emotional Abuse is not something, that is identified in our society. Being a lawyer we see this quiet often yet we never talk about it. Ours is a patriarchial society and we never accept that women can be unhappy. WE always think that women can be happy only if you gift them with materialistic gift. Respect is also something that a woman needs, but alas a few women barely get the same.

    1. Supriti says:

      So true Aishwarya. Thanks for sharing your views.

  20. I didn’t expect this ending . Though it is fictional but it is sad reality here . It is important for parents to be there for their children…just because a girl gets married doesn’t mean she doesn’t need your support. We always find problems in girls and tell them to adjust . We need to change this thinking

    1. Supriti says:

      Thanks for reading ☺

  21. I never expected that ending but sadly these happen to many women day to day but doesn’t come to light

    1. Supriti says:

      Very true.

  22. What a powerful and brilliant story Supriti. Even after so much awareness and discussions, abuse in marriages are still considered normal and women are often asked to bear the burn. There are still conservative parents, conservative women too who believe it is okay to get a thrash or two, or it is okay to undergo emotional abuses in marriage. The gender superiority mindset is another play-a-long. I just hope women start loving and respecting themselves and support each other, while raising gender equal kids.

    Because I loved him so much, is yet another painful story that unfortunately doesn’t end with the protagonist here but continues to burn the women living in such hell

    1. Supriti says:

      Thanks a lot. 🙂 glad u loved it.

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