Grave issues termed trivial by society Society

Are you living life on your terms?

Till I entered the college I was living under the umbrella of the warmth of my parents. We are 2 sisters and we were raised oblivious of the fact that the upbringing of girls is different from that of boys. I helped my mom in the kitchen from 10 years of age. And, that’s not because she asked me to but because I wanted my mom to get free quickly and play with me. I hammered nails into the wall, I changed sockets and plugs and nobody stopped me because I truly enjoyed doing it. I helped my dad in carrying heavy grocery bags. At 15, I went to the sabji mandi all alone to buy vegetables because my dad was on tour. I stood in long queues of SBI to deposit a cheque and even came back from tuitions at 10 PM. I tried my hands-on cooking and failed miserably and never wanted to try it again. I took Mehendi classes, swimming classes, embroidery classes, karate classes and whatnot. Every vacation my interest changed. I did all of that and much more and nobody tried to influence my interests and ideas.

By the time I reached college, I realised that there was a wave of feminism, especially because it was an all girl’s college. Girls wanted to do everything that boys did and girls were refrained from. It was a challenge for them to bag the highest package of campus, dump it, get into a premier MBA college and flaunt it in front of Sharmaji ka beta. Most of them were sent to an all girl’s college because ladkiΒ ko padhana toh hai but co-ed mein nai. Tasks that were normal and routine for me were taken up as a challenge by my batchmates. Just to come at par with men! So much so, just to beat the man?
Post-MBA, I thought job life would be different where I would meet ladies who are happily empowered and not running a race. I met many superwomen. They wore beautiful smiles and dressed perfectly. They drove cars, stayed in office till 9 PM, shopped on their own and did everything the society believes empowered women should do. But a few months down the line, most of them cracked down over a cup of coffee. Some were working because in-laws and hubby considered it prestigious, some because they had to support the family, some because they didn’t want to waste their degree. Some were earning well and yet didn’t have any control over the financial decisions at home. Others worked so committedly to their work that their health took a back seat.

Everybody had a problem and to all of them, I just said 1 thing, “It’s ok to be tired at the end of the day. It’s ok to falter and fall. It’s ok to make mistakes and learn from them. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to cry and vent it out. It’s ok to shout and it’s absolutely ok to lose your temper. It’s okay to be demotivated and dejected. But it is not ok to be depressed every single day.Β It’s not ok to think about running away from your life every single day. Incase u get such thoughts, just run away from it for some time. If you are a corporate, take leave from your organization. If you are a SAHM, try helping some friend in her business, hire a maid to cook for somedays or whatever u want to run away from. Runaway from it and see if your heart wants to go back to it. Don’t follow a path just because the society or family expects u to. Follow it only if your heart expects you to. Be it family, friend or any responsibility, your heart should accept it. Start living life on your terms and not that which is dictated by others.

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22 Comments

  1. Your post in on point, Supriti. You need to follow your heart. Or you would just be left with regrets later in life.

    I too had a similar experience when moving to college. I and my brother were taught to be independent. It wasn’t as if I was taught girly things and my bother more boyish stuff. He was a better cook than me growing up.

    1. That’s amazing. Boys turn out to be better cooks inherently. Glad u could resonate. πŸ™‚

  2. Hi, that was quite a candid and honest post. I agree that each one of us should life at our own terms and not under the influence of stigma or stereotypes. Your story is very inspirational and I am sure so many may derive inspiration from it. Thanks for this wonderful post.

    1. Thank u so much. Glad u loved it. πŸ™‚

  3. this is something i completely belive in,
    i live on my own terms and i am so glad that my husband supports me in this.

    1. Thank u so much. Glad u loved it.:)

  4. This is a really beautiful post. And so relevant. Very beautifully articulated.

    1. hank u. Glad u loved it. πŸ™‚

  5. What a great journey. I have always loved my life on my own terms and have been blessed with a very supportive family.

    1. a supportive family is the best blessing. πŸ™‚

  6. This is truly motivational for some SAHMs, not that everyone will agree with your points but yes many of them would do. Men have some similar issues too. Many are not able to pursue their hobbies as they have the whole responsibility of their respective families. And best thing said by you is, “It is not a race” neither for women nor for men. Sigh, some feminists are working hard to beat the man rather than leveraging their own self. And you explained that very well in the MBA paragraph.

    1. Very true. Not everyone will resonate. But i am also very vocal about gender discrimination against men. U may read it here http://straightalkclub.com/gender-discrimination-against-men/ thanks for sharing your thoughts. πŸ™‚

  7. I realised I was doing more than what the average guys did at home and also smarter than them on few technical areas, in general, without being knowledgeable only by books..

    The life I imagined and what I live are different.. But since, I’m happy and was not into it, because of anyone else, I don’t have regrets!

    A much needed post for many out there! Kudos!

    1. Supriti says:

      aww. thank u so much for stopping by. Glad u loved it. πŸ™‚

  8. This is an enlightening post. Unfortunately, our traditional upbringing lays so much emphasis on pleasing others. This creates conflicts in my mind. Placing yourself first is considered as being selfish

    1. Supriti says:

      yes.. pleasing others is always the key.. hope we come out of it soon. Thank u for your kind words. πŸ™‚

  9. very beautiful post, I think I’m in a pretty better state right now.. I just can’t have someone dominate me at this point of life

    1. Supriti says:

      yes… the sooner we realise, the better it is… Thank u for reading this πŸ™‚

  10. Judy Morris says:

    we all want to live our lives on our own terms but hardly anyone can live like that. We can only try for the same. SAH ladies face the dilemma too often but it is all about choices.

    1. Supriti says:

      yes. choices that matter to us and the choices that should be made by us and only us. πŸ™‚

  11. Such a powerful post. Loved it.
    I do try to live on my own terms esp after marriage, all thanks to my lovely husband.

    1. thank u so much. glad u loved it.kudos to ur hubby.. πŸ™‚

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